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Weak XII

19 March 2015

No. 869 (cartoon)

I know what you’re thinking.

I’m thinking that you don’t.

20 March 2015

Dr. Wiles at Sixty

Today is Dr. Wiles’ sixtieth birthday, and he’s not happy about it. No, he’s not happy about it at all.

“I miss my youth,” he lamented.

“Don’t worry,” I replied, “you’re still as immature as ever!”

He frowned.

I don’t know why I bother to even try to cheer people up; it rarely works.

21 March 2015

That Could Have Been Me

Nancy Blum and a friend were hiking on a Point Reyes trail I’ve been visiting for decades. When they came across signs warning that the bluff at the end of the trail was dangerously unstable, they did what I would have done. They ignored all the myriad notices to stay away and enjoyed a picnic at the top of the cliff overlooking the ocean.

But not for long.

The cliff collapsed into a pile of rubble, killing Blum and injuring her companion. That could have been me, and, had I been there at the time, it would have been me.

As Marcel Duchamp noted on his tombstone, “D’ailleurs, c’est toujours les autres qui meurent” (“Besides, it’s always the others who die.”)

22 March 2015

Nothing to See

Brett was being annoyingly coy and secretive about his new sculptures when I asked to see them.

“I’ve got nothing to hide and I don’t want you to see it,” he explained.

And that was the end of that thread of our conversation. Brett always was a stellar debater.

23 March 2015

My Three Dietary Options

When it comes to eating, I have three main choices.

1. Eat the wrong things.

2. Eat the rights things.

3. Eat anything I want.

Here are the definite outcomes of each option.

1. If I eat the wrong things, I will die.

2. If I eat the rights things, I will die.

3. If I eat anything I want, I will die.

Life is too short not to do what I want, so my decision was obvious.

24 March 2015

False Dates

I’m not really writing this on 24 March, it’s actually early April. I’m behind on my daily notebook entries, as usual. I don’t have this information in my database, but I’m fairly certain that almost none of my seven thousand notebook entries were completed on the day on which I purportedly wrote them.

I don’t know why I’ve maintained the unconvincing façade of a daily notebook when I’ve never really had one. I also have no idea why I get a sense of accomplishment by publishing drivel like this that only thirteen people—on a good day—will read.

Thinking about this is most unproductive, so I shall now concentrate on something more pleasant, albeit equally unproductive.

25 March 2015

Rhonda’s Plagiarism

I told Rhonda that I had a problem with her new short film because a number of scenes and lines were lifted almost verbatim from famous films. Curiously, she didn’t seem the least bit bothered. She claimed that she was such an excellent plagiarist that she stole everything unconsciously, which meant it wasn’t really plagiarism at all.

Amazing! She overcompensates for what she lacks in talent with spectacular arrogance.

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©2015 David Glenn Rinehart