Last Weak  |  Index  |  Next Weak

Weak XLI

9 October 2016

No. 8,736 (cartoon)

You have to admit that you love me.

No I don’t.

You do if you want those handcuffs off.

10 October 2016

A Truly Stunning Photograph

When it comes to marketing photographs, “stunning” seems to be the marketing hyperbole du jour.

Idiots.

I want to create a truly stunning photograph by mounting a print on a thick iron plate. The next time I hear some huckster talk about “stunning photographs” I will whap him or her upside the head with my stunning photograph.

Truly stunning indeed!

11 October 2016

Mop Dogs

A few months ago Amelie insisted that I look at photographs of her little dogs. I’m not sure what breed they are; they appear to be large rodents with matted, oily wigs.

“Aren’t they cute?” she gushed. “They look like little mops!”

“They do look like little mops,” I agreed, “that have been used to clean up greasy vomit.”

That was the end of the conversation, and that was the last time Amelie asked me to look at doggiegraphs.

Win-win as the Californians say!

12 October 2016

Lina’s Identity

Lina welcomed me to her studio with a large pitcher of gin and tonic. She began our conversation by describing the cheeseburger she had for lunch that sent her into a state of ecstasy. She then went on to tell me how completely infatuated she was with her brand new boyfriend, Noah.

“I’m completely confused,” I replied. “Are you the same Lina who swore off alcohol, meat, and men a couple of weeks ago?”

“Yep, that’s me!” she replied with a smile. “My identity lies in not knowing who I am.”

13 October 2016

Two Trillion Galaxies

Hoo boy, you could have knocked me over with a baseball bat when I was done reading the latest issue of Astronomical Journal. Scientists from the University of Nottingham claim there are two trillion galaxies in the universe, about twenty times more than the most recent guesstimate.

I had to look up “galaxy” in my dictionary; a galaxy is millions or billions of stars. So if a single galaxy contains millions or billions of stars, and of the universe contains two trillion of them, then that means that ...

And that’s when my brain snapped. Synapses fried, fuses blew, and my cranium filled with imploding cerebral porridge.

Two trillion galaxies, imagine that. And if you try, please do be careful.

14 October 2016

The Dylan Prize for Plagiarism

Bob Dylan, née Robert Zimmerman, won the Nobel Prize for Literature, surely a clerical error. He should have been awarded the Nobel Prize for Plagiarism some time ago. As Joni Mitchell noted, “He’s a plagiarist and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is a deception.”

For just one of examples, Dylan copied phrases and lines verbatim that the poet Henry Timrod published a century and a half ago. And then there are his paintings ...

What do George W. Bush and Bob Dylan have in common? For one thing, their alleged visual art is nothing more than copying the work of real artists like Henri Cartier-Bresson with a paint-by-numbers approach any six-year-old would use.

I retract what I said earlier, “He should have been awarded the Nobel Prize for Plagiarism some time ago.” No, the award should be called, “the Dylan Prize for Plagiarism.”

Last Weak  |  Index  |  Next Weak
©2016 David Glenn Rinehart