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Weak III

15 January 2021

No. 6,865 (cartoon)

Things could be worse.

I can’t imagine how.

It could be me, not you, who’ll be dead in six weeks.

16 January 2021

Barbarians Through the Gates

Please forgive the slow start, but before we get to the metal detectors I need to ’splain just one of Sans Frisco’s myriad quirks. A board of supervisors—not the usual city council—governs the town. Harvey Milk and Dan White are the most famous supervisors; the latter shot and killed the former, as well as the mayor, George Moscone, in 1978.

Meanwhile, back here in 2021 ...

The white supremacists’ bloody, failed putsch led authorities to belatedly install metal detectors at the entrance to the capitol building in Washington, DC. This security move outraged some of the politicians who had tacitly or actively supported the bungled coup d’état; they protested that traitors of their stature shouldn’t be required to be screened for the weapons they might use the next time they tried to overthrow the government.

I remember that argument well ...

After White assassinated Milk and Moscone, city hall visitors had to endure long lines to pass through the new security checkpoints. This led to a debate among the supervisors about whether they should be able to enter the building unchallenged. They agreed they should not be exempt from screening after one of the supervisors noted that the only person to ever murder anyone there was another supervisor.

I do hope the capitol people treat everyone equally, and remember that the elected officials who want to avoid being checked for weapons and explosives are every bit as crazy and dangerous as the people who voted for them.

17 January 2021

No More Muses

I read a fascinating interview with Marianne Evelyn Gabriel Faithfull, but then how could a conversation with a brilliant woman in her seventies not be at least interesting?

In case you’ve been looking at the sixties through patchouli-colored glasses, that era—like all the ones that preceded and followed it—was terribly sexist. (The Austin Powers trilogy seems more like a docudrama than comedy.) Faithfull was objectively beautiful, and thus regarded as of only visual and sexual interest.

Oops, I almost forgot that she was also a muse, but she certainly didn’t.

“A muse? That’s a shit thing to be. It’s a terrible job. You don’t get any male muses, do you? Can you think of one? No.”

So long for now, Marianne, and thanks for that insight! I’ve never heard of a male muse either, but please do gimme a call if you’re ever looking for a male amuse.

18 January 2021

Mayonnaise and a Cheese Grater?!

Annie came over for dinner tonight, and one thing led to another as it ideally does. It all started with an innocent question ...

“What did you do over the weekend?” I asked.

“Why?” she responded nervously. “What have you heard?”

Paydirt!

It took rather a lot of wine and wheedling to get her to reveal what really happened in the hot tub with Wanda and Joel. The tawdry details (mayonnaise and a cheese grater?!) left me speechless, so that’s the way this little tale ends unless there’s more to be said.

What have you heard?

19 January 2021

Blues and Grays Revisited

It took an inept, failed insurrection and a few deaths to remind the authorities that the lunatic fringe is armed and dangerous, so they’ve stationed twenty thousand armed soldiers in the nation’s capitol while Drumph is evicted.

Gareth’s nephew Buzz, who’s one of them, reports that he was relieved to be assigned to the blues and not the grays. I haven’t read this anywhere, but military leaders allocated each political party half of the troops—with differently colored uniforms—in order to remain apolitical. Buzz said his commander reminded the peacekeepers that they were there to prevent a civil war, but if there was one it should be a fair fight.

Buzz knew it was a lie: the blues have hollow-point bullets, the grays have regular ammo. Modern history is usually written in the exit wounds, but I hope that won’t be the case this week.

20 January 2021

The Father Tongue from Outer Space

Stephan lamented that he missed a lot of subtleties and nuances in the English language since it’s not his mother tongue. And that got me to thinking, as I do from time to time as necessary ...

Is there a father tongue? It would be so romantic if one could create a new language by combining tongues.

On second thought, it probably doesn’t work that way. The father probably uses a different organ, which is how most of us got here.

On third thought: nah, I’m being too anthropomorphic. I think William S. Burroughs was probably right when he postulated that language is a virus from outer space.

Blame it on the aliens; that always works!

21 January 2021

A Small Step for Gender Equality

It’s been exactly one year since the first reported coronavirus case in the United States, and one day since Joe Biden took control of the American presidency from a psychotic kleptomaniac fascist. Today, over four hundred thousand deaths later, everyone’s talking about ... Bernie Sanders’ mittens.

Even if your only visual contact with the Internet is an oblique glance, you saw it: the irascible senator sensibly dressed for the winter cold wearing some very nice, comfy mittens. Very sensible indeed.

Here we have a man who’s been tirelessly championing socialism for decades, and now he’s finally gained national attention for his attire, not his intellect or ideas. That’s the same way women have been treated since the invention of clothing. This marks a small step for gender equality: a step backward.

I’m not au fait with the specifics of Sanders’ political views, but I suppose they’re with spitting distance of what Harry Truman said almost seventy years ago on 10 October 1952.

[Republican Senator Robert] Taft explained that the great issue in this campaign is “creeping socialism.” Now that is the patented trademark of the special interest lobbies. Socialism is a scare word they have hurled at every advance the people have made in the last twenty years.

Socialism is what they called public power.

Socialism is what they called social security.

Socialism is what they called farm price supports.

Socialism is what they called bank deposit insurance.

Socialism is what they called the growth of free and independent labor organizations.

Socialism is their name for almost anything that helps all the people.

Oh well, at least everyone agrees on mittens.

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©2021 David Glenn Rinehart