Last Weak  |  Index  |  Next Weak

Weak XXV

18 June 2021

No. 6,255 (cartoon)

I can’t find happiness.

Happiness is everywhere that you’re not.

19 June 2021

Stop Press: We’re Not Getting Any Younger!

I don’t know why this is, but from time to time I see a headline in an otherwise respected publication that makes me look twice to confirm that I’m not reading a satirical or comics journal. Here’s a recent example: “Ageing process is unstoppable, finds unprecedented study.”

An unprecedented study?! As if no one ever had a good look at whether any human or even a distant cousin had ever once reversed the aging process. I suppose someone might cite Keith Richards, but, although he has tenaciously fought death to a draw on a number of occasions, he certainly has never lost a wrinkle or regained a brain cell and never will.

As for “definitive” results, that’s not going to dissuade the billionaires consuming a hundred and fifty different vitamins, potions, and herbal supplements—not to mention liters of weasel urine—from their quest to live forever. After all, they’re the smartest people ever, so it follows that they will, no?

Let’s have a quick look at the current scorecard:

Humans who have aged: one hundred billion
Humans who have reversed aging: zero

That leaves a lot of answered questions. I bet a lot of researchers looking for another large infusion of grant money are clamoring for an even more unprecedenteder study.

20 June 2021

The Solstice Happened

Minnisha urged me to, “write something about the solstice,” so I did:

It happened.

She told me that I should write more than that, so I did:

It happened around sunset.

She advised me to make it more personal, so I did:

It happened around sunset; I may have been urinating at the time.

She complained that I had revealed too much, so I quit. Maybe I’ll revisit the solstice again on 21 December, but, since that’s also my father’s deathday, I probably won’t.

If there’s anything worse than a bad editor, it’s a bad editor who tries to delegate writing.

21 June 2021

Cognitive Offloading

Thom Hogan and Ken Rockwell (in diplomatic alphabetical order) are about the only two writers who provide me with technical advice on photography these days. There really haven’t been any significant advances in cameras and lenses in the last decade or so; I read their Internet posts to see what they have to say about the medium that don’t involve brass and glass. Here’s something Hogan wrote recently ...

Susan Sontag hypothesized many years ago that a photograph becomes the memory of an event. In 2014, a psychologist published a small study that had participants visit a museum and take photos of just half the paintings they saw. Turns out that people remembered the paintings they didn’t photograph better than the ones they did. Subsequent studies all say the same thing: taking a photograph impairs people’s memory of an event or place.

The trigger for this is apparently something called cognitive offloading. If our brains are forced to take something in, they work to try to save that information. But if you take a photograph, the brain thinks it has free rein to not store the memory, because you have a photograph ...

That’s some real good thinking right there, innit? I’m not a brainiac, so those observations may or may not be related to my practice of (almost) never photographing friends. I don’t have a single photograph of several people that I love the most. I don’t want my visual memories of them defined by a handful—or even dozens—of static photographs. Instead, I prefer my mental pictures of them to be undefined, evolving montages that transform and grow over the decades.

And that’s quite enough thinking for one day; it’s time to go make me some art!

22 June 2021

False Audio Economy

I’m visiting my friends Victor and Ina, and it’s a bit sad to see that they’re not doing very well. They act cheerful and never complain, but I couldn’t help but notice that they don’t even have a good stereo. It was embarrassing tonight; they had to invite people over with their musical instruments to listen to music.

Everyone playing was an accomplished musician, and I enjoyed the dulcet noise. Still, I think skimping on audio hardware is false economy. How will they ever hear Beethoven’s Choral Symphony without electronics?

23 June 2021

Annalee’s Listless

Annalee was complaining about being overwhelmed by all the things she had to do. I hear that a lot, so I suggested that she make a list of every individual concern and address them sequentially.

She thanked me, and said she’s heard the same useless advice repeatedly. She explained that she was completely swamped by urgent deadlines, and that organizing and planning in general and making a to-do list in particular would have to wait.

Anyone can see where this is going except Annalee, but, since I’m a true friend, I’m not leaving before the end of the movie.

24 June 2021

I Ain’t Got No Class

Kiliaen declared that, when it comes to art, I ain’t got no class.

I thanked him for his compliment, which annoyed him as much as I hoped it would. Having opened the wound, it was time for the salt.

I explained I wasn’t talking about the ain’t/no double negative, but rather about the concept of class. Second class is better than third class, first class is better than second class, so it follows that there’s nothing better than zero class.

He scoffed, grunted, and made a few other porcine gestures and sounds. I suppose that’s to be expected; I’ve found few people who share my desire for a classless society.

25 June 2021

They Shall Hear of This in Berlin!

Dr. Schreiber is returning to the United States tomorrow.

Maybe.

She’s something of a Bavarian tornado—if there is such a thing—who’s always flying around the world doing who knows what. (Only she knows, and she ain’t talkin’.) In any case, she obviously has better things to do than deal with bureaucratic paperwork; that’s why her passport expired while she was in Mexico.

She’s usually supremely confident, so I was surprised when even she admitted it may be a bit of a challenge getting across the border.

I told her that she needn’t worry. All she has to do if she’s challenged is to give the offending bureaucrat a steely Teutonic glare and hiss, “They shall hear of this in Berlin!”

She was skeptical until I pointed out that worked in every single episode of Hogan’s Heroes. Can’t argue with success!

Last Weak  |  Index  |  Next Weak
©2021 David Glenn Rinehart