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Weak XVIII

30 April 2022

No. 7,369 (cartoon)

It goes without saying.

What does?

If I tell you then it won’t go without saying.

1 May 2022

My Life’s Work

An astronomy boffin has cobbled together almost a million exposures from the Hubble space telescope to make one great photo. I don’t care about the subject matter or the technique; I think that’s a great conceptual idea.

I’ve made a lot of photographs since I was a teenager. I think everyone can agree that a number of them are very good indeed. (I’m not boasting; please keep in mind that “zero” is a number.)

I think it would be wonderful beyond belief to combine all of them into one image and title it something like, My Life’s Work. Unfortunately, “beyond belief” is the operative phrase here; I can’t combine every “good” photo I ever made into The Photo of a Lifetime until I’m dead. That catch sixty-nine is a real headscratcher, that one is.

2 May 2022

You Know You Want One

Here’s one of the best headlines I’ve ever seen: Is [x] Essential? No, But You Know You Want One.

It took me a while to appreciate how brilliant that was. That’s the basis of almost every advertising campaign past and present. If we only bought what we needed this would be a very different civilization, very possibly a civilized one.

As marketing messages go, “You Know You Want One” is still in second place behind my favorite: “It’s Bad for You; Buy It.”

3 May 2022

Bill Gates is Sorry

Here’s a headline to file under Better Late Than Never: Bill Gates finally apologizes.

I saw a few excerpts from a recent interview with Bill Gates in which he said, “I certainly made mistakes and I take responsibility,” and, “I caused pain and I feel terrible about that.” I thought it was better late than never that he apologized for foisting crappy software on us through a brutal monopoly, but it turns out he was referring to shtupping an employee.

Someone who begged forgiveness for approving making a talking paper clip part of a mediocre computer operating system is clearly incapable of remorse. The quotes in his interview were obviously written by his team of public relations consultants. Having said that, I do believe that he really is sorry ... about getting caught.

4 May 2022

Looking for Tractors on the Appalachian Trail

It’s hard to keep up with technical developments in farm equipment; just ask the Russians who looted Ukrainian farm equipment only to discover that it was useless after being remotely disabled.

Neil Parish, a former member of parliament in England, allegedly had tractors on his mind when he was spotted watching pornography in the House of Commons.

“The situation was that—funnily enough it was tractors I was looking at,” he claimed.

Funnily enough. Ha. Ha. Ha.

It happens all the time. You’re trying to get the latest information on the Case IH Quadtrac 620, and, with a mistyped character or two, the next thing you know you’re watching conjoined twins in fragrant delicto with an albino hermaphrodite Napoleon impersonator.

We’ve all had that experience at one time or another; Parish’s big mistake was to do it a second time, in public, while on duty waiting for a vote without feigning a search on farming tools. He was forced to resign after adding a valuable euphemism to the English language, “looking at tractors.” That’s right up there with Mark Sanford, the former governor of South Carolina, alluding to his extramarital affair with a woman in Buenos Aires, Argentina, as “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”

5 May 2022

Land of Enchantment

New Mexico’s official state motto is “Land of Enchantment.” Or, more accurately, it would be except it’s not; it’s “Crescit eundo,” Latin for, “It grows as it goes.” Go figure. Grow Figure. Whatever.

Any which how, a local grocery store has something of a shrine to the concept. The centerpiece is a real painting (”real” as in “not a reproduction,” not “real” as in “real good”) of a huge wide river of blue water gently flowing through a sunny canyon. I think it’s supposed to be the Rio Grande, which in reality looks like a turgid little brown stream gurgling along the bottom of a deep crevasse, as if an industrial septic tank upstream sprung a leak.

Despite my snarky comments, I quite like the installation. The painting is behind a mountain range of beer cans, and hangs between two huge ristras of chiles. With all that alcohol and capsicum, that’s certainly one idealized vision of Land of Enchantment.

6 May 2022

Healthy Lifestyle Bombshell

The Internet site Politico broke the story about a pending supreme court decision that will strip women of their right to abort an unwanted fetus, even if it’s the result of incestuous rape. (The same men who want to control women walk around spreading Coronarama since the government can’t tell them what to do with their bodies, i.e., get a vaccination that would have prevented hundreds of thousands of premature deaths.)

The Washington Post usually breaks such critical stories, but not this week. Bob Woodward, of Watergate fame, must be sweating bullets as he was just scooped by Linda Searing, a cub reporter at the Post, who dropped this bombshell: “Healthy lifestyle may increase life expectancy, research suggests.”

That changes everything, doesn’t it?

For years, we’ve heard nothing but studies promoting achieving a long life through a combination high-cholesterol diets, alcohol, cigarettes, and a sedentary existence to avoid using too many heartbeats and preserving muscles from wear and tear. But now it seems a healthy lifestyle may contribute to a healthy life!

Who knew?!

Bravo, Linda!

Personally, I’m not going to risk my health on some new fad, so it’s about time to enjoy a typical lunch of a grilled cheese sandwich, fries, and at least three martinis. I’ll bet that right about now you’ll find Woodward enjoying the same delicious repost in some swanky greasy spoon.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2022 David Glenn Rinehart