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Weak XXVII

2 July 2022

No. 4,890 (cartoon)

Pain is mandatory; suffering is optional.

Are you a sadist or a masochist?

Those are other options.

3 July 2022

Bathroom Orchid

Dahlia has an orchid in her bathroom directly in front of the toilet. I’m not particularly fond of inedible plants, but I appreciated the placement in the most meditative place in her studio.

From time to time I’ve considered making photographs of bathrooms from my seated perspective, but this is the first time I liked what I saw enough to use my real camera instead of my phony one. I may even do it again, but probably not.

4 July 2022

The Cause and the Cure in the Same Bottle

Enrico is celebrating Independence Day with a bottle of French wine. That struck me as odd, since the traditional holiday fare is tubular meat byproducts and beer. It all made sense when he explained that when it comes to commemorating going to war with the English, the French hate the Brits more than anyone.

I cheerfully agreed to open the bottle, and pulled out my pocket corkscrew that occasionally serves as a pocketknife. (Many of my friends have ridiculous corkscrews that operate on solar power, compressed air, electronic hydraulics, or some other needlessly complex technology; that’s just silly.)

I have no idea how many bottles of wine I’ve opened. I should have started a ledger when I was a teenager; one can never have too much useless data. I’ve certainly uncorked thousands of bottles and never had an experience like the one I had this afternoon.

The French cork was particularly stubborn, and I needed to strain, grunt, and make other guttural sounds to even loosen it. I finally got it out with a painful jerk. I yelped when I pulled a muscle in my arm at the same time the cork popped.

I’m not particularly athletic; that may have been the first time I had such an injury. Fortunately, the wine proved to be an efficacious analgesic. I quaffed the cheap Bordeaux until the pain subsided then disappeared.

As Granny Moses used to say, “The cause and the cure in the same bottle!”

5 July 2022

That’s Amoré!

Abbie told me that Byron sent her a love letter, one of the old-fashioned kind on real paper, and mailed in an envelope with real stamp on it.

“That’s wonderful,” I replied. “I didn’t know people still did that.”

“I was quite touched,” she agreed. “I was sure he’d eaten all of his crayons but apparently he saved one for me!”

If that ain’t amoré than I don’t know what is.

6 July 2022

The Enemy of Entertainment

Cecelia leaves the cover off her toilet’s cistern so she can watch the flushing mechanism in action. Great idea!

Opacity is the enemy of entertainment. I wish everything I had was transparent except for clothing.

7 July 2022

Drinking and Pills Revisited

Cedric returned from England with a box of “pre-drinking” pills. The myrkl capsules (miracle capsules, get it?) claim to minimize the unpleasant effects of drinking too much alcohol.

I’m amused by the premise. It’s easy to avoid the predictable painful consequences of getting too drunk; don’t get too drunk. And then there’s always the dependable reverse peristalsis.

The questionable concoction clearly has a limited audience, alcoholics. That’s a huge market, and the quack potion designed to increase alcohol consumption should be very profitable for the profiteers.

8 July 2022

Ghost Bird

Antoinette has a ghost bird on her living room window. Or maybe it’s a bird ghost. It may be some sort of supernatural sign, but I’m going with a mundane explanation based on probability and physics.

Apparently a largish bird flew into her window at a high rate of speed and left a white impression of its body and outstretched wings on the glass. There was no birdie corpse on the ground, so either it survived the impact or a coyote got a tasty snack.

The white residue on the windowpane puzzles me. Do birds have dandruff? I made a good documentary photograph, Ghost Bird, so perhaps one day an ornithological friends will be able to answer that question.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2022 David Glenn Rinehart