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Weak L

11 December 2023

No. 7,340 (cartoon)

I apologize from the bottom of my apology organ.

Where’s that?

At the core of my apology hole.

12 December 2023

Que Sriracha Sriracha

Amelie told me about a great new Vietnamese cafe near here, Que Sriracha Sriracha. I’m so glad David Tran never trademarked “Sriracha” when he founded Huy Fong Foods. He made a billion dollars and the rest of us got a great kitchen staple and a new word we can use without fear of legal problems.

13 December 2023

Opposable Brains

Lina reported that she’s “had it up to her keister” with Noah.

“What is it this time?” I asked.

“Let’s just say that having opposable brains isn’t working out so well for him,” she explained without explaining.

I appreciated her nebulous answer; there are some things I don’t want to know, especially when it comes to Lina and Noah.

14 December 2023

All of It, Except

Stephen Bates is a former royal correspondent for an English newspaper who’s apparently branched out and is now a television critic. One of those “journalistic” endeavors must be in the fourth estate’s deepest cesspool, but which one?

He recently reviewed a long soap opera about generations of inbred British royal parasites—even featuring Princess Die as a ghost! His conclusion: “So, farewell to The Crown. All of it was true, apart from the bits that weren’t.”

I have to agree that’s an analysis worth plagiarizing, and I shall when discussing the abstruse veracity of my alleged writing.

15 December 2023

Base Ten Revisited

I looked at my compass and wondered why it has three hundred and sixty degrees and not, say, four hundred. Why are eggs and bottles of beer sold in multiples of six? Why twenty-four hours in the day?

We’ve been sensible enough to use base ten for kilograms and kilometers; I wonder why base ten isn’t more widely used? I know it would take very little effort to find the answers, but I’d much rather just speculate instead of cluttering my brain with a hodgepodge of more pesky facts.

16 December 2023

Shipwrecks and Bat Sex

There’s no nautical theme today, I just needed a snappy, rhyming slug. And that brings us to two serotine bats doing something never previously documented in any flavor of mammal: mating without intromission (that’s the fancy word for sexual penetration).

Researchers were stunned by the discovery, but I wasn’t. The bat’s erect penis is seven times as long as his mate’s vagina. You can see the problem right there, no?

Once they get in their batty position they can hold it for over twelve hours without intromission or intermission. I don’t like pornography, but I think that could be the visual basis for a cinematic homage to Andy Warhol’s Empire.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2023 David Glenn Rinehart