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Weak XVI

16 April 2024

No. 1,573 (cartoon)

What an imbroglio!

We’re making good progress.

I suppose that’s better than bad progress.

17 April 2024

Love and Science

“I miss Amanda,” Duane lamented.

“You might want to consider finding another girlfriend,” I suggested.

“I agree,” he replied. “I’d like that more than anything.”

“I don’t think spending all day and all night on the couch watching television and living off peanuts, potato chips, and beer is the best way of achieving your goal,” I advised.

“That’s where you’re quite wrong, my friend,” he responded. “It’s a scientifically proven Internet fact that the best way to fall in love is by being yourself and doing what you love the most.”

I didn’t waste my time warning him that trying to combine love and science leads to nothingness; he’s already there.

18 April 2024

Sexist Cubist Marketing Strategy

I searched for a compact case for my new little traveling camera that will live in my backpack and found a cheap, functional Jinmei model for under twenty dollars. The model I chose is available in two colors, grey and black. (If grey and black really are colors, that is.)

The two different models are identical in every way except color, but the manufacturer nevertheless decided to provide a photograph of the two models, and it’s an extraordinarily good one.

I’m usually gender neutral, but I’m almost almost certain that only a guy would have created a cubist collage of a woman with exceptionally long legs or skirt the length of a belt, probably both, holding two camera cases to demonstrate the difference between grey and black.

I’m still marveling at that exceptional photograph. Too bad I could only find a very low-resolution version; it’s so good I might even deconstruct and plagiarize it.

19 April 2024

I Requiem Meam Doleat

Amanda told me in unminced words that my suggestion that everyone in Japan should use “Ramone” as a surname was, “inanely imbecilic, even for you.”

I told her that had she examined the legal page on my stare.com site she’d have read, “David Glenn Rinehart’s personal opinions are not his own.” For good measure, I added, “I requiem meam doleat.”

She rolled her eyes and started to sputter a reply before realizing the futility of verbally jousting with me when she saw that I had a legal bazooka and she was armed with a rusty teaspoon.

What she didn’t know was that my conceptual bazooka was unloaded and didn’t have a trigger. I read that legal scholars declare that literally—yes, literally literally—no one reads the entirety of any Internet legal notice, so I knew she wouldn’t call my bluff.

Finally, if your Latin’s a little rusty, “I requiem meam doleat” means “I rest my case.”

20 April 2024

Time Mismanagement

I must must must escape the electronic embrace of my computer, but that’s proving very difficult this afternoon. I usually cycle about twelve kilometers a day, but on a lazy Saturday I’m considering doing the minimum I need to keep my heart beating: a kilometer up the steep canyon road and back. Seven minutes up and one minute back, but I keep putting it off.

I’ll get my minimal exercise later when I find the time, but for now I’m going to kill a bunch of Russians in an embarrassingly stupid video game that takes twenty or thirty minutes to play.

I’m so very fortunate that I revel in my stupidity; I have an infinite supply of it so I’ll always have banal entertainment.

21 April 2024

It Pays to Be Agnostic

Cheryl is back from Saul’s Delicatessen with trays and trays of takeout food for tomorrow’s microwaved Passover dinner.

“Hundreds of dollars just for a holiday meal at home!” she exclaimed. “Oy, it’s expensive to be a Jew!”

“Being dismissed by Yahweh because I’m agnostic has its economic advantages,” I agreed.

I was tempted to add, “and so does learning to cook,” but thought that would be churlish. And on a more practical note, I’m looking forward to grazing at the Saul’s smorgasbord, even though I know from making Eight Saul’s Delicatessen Matzo Balls that the classic deli food looks better than it tastes.

(If you’re listening to a goy opine about Jewish delicatessen food you’re on the wrong page, conceptually if not literally speaking.)

22 April 2024

Eight Saul’s Delicatessen Matzo Balls Revisited

I was reminded why I also travel with a real camera and a tripod when I arrived to help with tonight’s dinner party. There they were: eight more matzo balls from Saul’s. As I mentioned yesterday, a couple of years ago I photographed each of the aspherical balls when they were delivered individually, but today’s doughy delights arrived in a box. And so, I only needed one gentle press on the remote shutter release to make Eight Saul’s Delicatessen Matzo Balls Revisited.

23 April 2024

Intentionally Blank (It’s Not a Dumb Idea)

Anything labeled “not a dumb idea” probably is, but that’s calculated a risk I took when I made Intentionally Blank (It’s Not a Dumb Idea).

And speaking of dumb ideas, I’ll add a couple sentences about technique. This is probably the only alleged art piece I’ve ever made with a long telephoto lens. I may just be trying to justify the consumerism I deny, but it’s nice to have one of every tool available on the very rare occasion it’s needed.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2024 David Glenn Rinehart