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Weak XXIX

17 July 2010

No. 4,851 (cartoon)

You’re not the person I once knew.

The present always violates the past to blame the future.

18 July 2010

The Thirteen Unrecognized Mortal Dangers of Cabernet Sauvignon

I recently picked up a copy of The Journal of Oenophilic Medicine and read an alarming article, “The Thirteen Unrecognized Mortal Dangers of Cabernet Sauvignon.”

Wow, what an eye opener! I had no idea that I was taking my life in my hands every time I opened a bottle of red wine.

That article changed my behavior forever. From now on, I’m never reading anything in The Journal of Oenophilic Medicine again.

19 July 2010

Gary Danko’s Toilet Paper

Boulaye and Naomi took me to dinner tonight at Restaurant Gary Danko. We quite enjoyed perhaps the most expensive vittles in San Francisco, and that’s saying something. Even with my very unsophisticated (read crude) palate, I appreciated the myriad subtle nuances that differentiated Danko’s fare from, say, my favorite taquerias.

It could be argued—and I would argue it—that, for a hundred dollars a head, one should expect a superb meal. That’s exactly what I joyously inhaled. But what sets Danko apart from almost every other restaurateur is his attention to every aspect of the dining experience.

When I went to the bathroom, the toilet paper had an embossed Gary Danko seal affixed to it. Amazing! I’ve been in many renowned eateries, but none were run by someone with Danko’s nonpareil attention to every millimeter of my complete gastrointestinal satisfaction.

I enjoyed a wonderful evening from beginning to end. Nevertheless, I doubt I’ll be going back to Danko’s joint anytime soon. Peasant that I am, I’d prefer twenty burritos to one of Danko’s stellar meals. When it comes to the quality versus quantity discussion of restaurants, I know what camp I’m in.

20 July 2010

Nothing Even Close to Bodacious

“Nothing even close to bodacious here,” Cedric complained.

“It’s all hinky,” I agreed.

“Let’s skedaddle,” Antoinette said.

So we did.

Actually we didn’t; there was no “we.” Like most of the people I mention in this notebook, Cedric and Antoinette are entirely fabricated. I summoned them from my cast of fictional characters simply so that I could use the words “bodacious,” “hinky,” and “skedaddle.” I have never used any of those fine words once in the last five thousand three hundred and fourteen notebook entries, so today I decided to do something about it.

And I did. Sadly, the result was nothing even close to bodacious.

21 July 2010

Barefoot Man on the Subway

Almost everyone in San Francisco wears some sort of footwear in public. Even otherwise nude people rarely have bare feet. About the only time I see someone with exposed feet is when a destitute, homeless person is sitting on the sidewalk with filthy, misshapen feet bloated from infection or some especially nasty disease.

That’s why I was quite surprised to see a barefoot young man standing on the subway platform tonight. He appeared to be sober, neatly groomed, and completely engrossed in the book he was reading. He had to have been en route from the Haight to Berkeley or vice versa; there’s no other possible explanation.

22 July 2010

Surprise Psychic Kiss

Conrad said he might be getting romantically involved with a woman who said she was psychic.

“Do you believe she really has psychic abilities?” I responded.

“I’m trying to keep an open mind, but I’m skeptical,” Conrad replied.

“Why is that?” I asked.

“Well, if she was really a psychic,” Conrad hypothesized, “I don’t think she would have been so surprised when I kissed her for the first time.”

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©2010 David Glenn Rinehart