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Weak XI

13 March 2013

No. 1,239 (cartoon)

I want what I fear.

I fear what I want.

14 March 2013

Not a Great Writer

Alphonse lambasted my writing, but who hasn’t? He complained that I only write about what’s happened in the past and that I rarely even hypothesize about the future.

“Hey, you wanna know what your problem is?” he asked.

“I’m not going to reply because I know you’re going to tell me anyway,” I replied.

“Your main problem is that you’re not a visionary,” he explained. “You’re not farsighted. You see what’s been, but you don’t have a clue about what’s coming. You need to work on that if you ever hope to achieve greatness.”

I told that a week from Tuesday I’d show up at Duane’s studio with some cheap wine. Then we’d eat almonds and/or corn chips, drink the wine, and Duane would agonize at quite some length over his problematical relationship with Amanda.

“That’s not prophetic,” Alphonse protested, “that’s boring and predictable.”

“It certainly is prophetic.” I protested. “My life is boring and predictable by design, and I’ve never been happier.”

We concluded that exchange by agreeing that I’d never be a great writer. And that’s fine with me; who’d want to go through life with that target on their forehead?

15 March 2013

Funny Memories

It’s funny what I remember. It may also be funny what I don’t remember, but, since I’ll never know what I don’t remember, I’ll never know whether that’s funny as well.

16 March 2013

Saint Patrick Über Alles!

Tomorrow is Saint Patrick’s Day, and the pubs in my neighborhood are crammed with people working diligently to achieve crapulence by midnight in order to begin the twenty-four hour celebration of Irish culture in the appropriate state.

I’m too frugal to join them, but I’ll join in their spirit by pointing out of this little-known alleged fact. During the most recent world war, the Irish kept their cities illuminated all night to help Luftwaffe bombers make their way to England.

Éirinn go Brách!

17 March 2013

Sunrise, Sunset

Today the sun rose at 7:17 and set at 19:19. At least that’s what the charts say; it’s so foggy I can’t tell when the sun slips above and below the horizon. (Sorry for the wording, Copernicus.)

And so, today is the first day of the year when the daylight minutes outnumber the other ones. I observed the occasion by buying a completely opaque blindfold that will allow me to continue to sleep and nap whenever I want, impervious to the sun’s foggy rays.

18 March 2013

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: Lighting

I was walking through the park when I started to think about pornography and erotica. That’s unusual, since I’m not interested in either. The stimulus was a metal plate in the road labeled “lighting.” That in turn reminded me of Gloria Leonard’s observation, “The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.”

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©2013 David Glenn Rinehart