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Weak XLVII

20 November 2013

No. 9,880 (cartoon)

You’re no one to me.

Who are you?

21 November 2013

Another Productive Day

I read that my body produces three hundred billion new cells every day. Imagine that! Here I am, gnawing on a burrito and slurping down Rainier Ale, yet being extraordinarily productive. Despite empirical evidence to the contrary, I actually did something today.

22 November 2013

The Assassination of a Jelly-Filled Doughnut

Fifty years ago today a bullet ripped through the American president’s head, and out splattered brains, not jelly!

And thus, John Fitzgerald Kennedy’s last act—albeit an involuntary one—settled the long-running dispute over what he really meant when he said, “Ich bin ein Berliner.” Clearly, he meant he was a person from Berlin, not “I am a jelly-filled doughnut.”

So there: you can’t argue with brains!

23 November 2013

Things We Don’t Discuss

I’d warned Niklas that the weather forecast called for heavy thirst, so he showed of with a five-liter bag of Franzia wine at my studio this afternoon. Unfortunately, he brought the wine to serve as fuel for his whining about Lily.

After reciting a familiar litany of problems, he added that she’s started to talk to him during sex.

“Stop right there,” I implored. “I don’t want to know about your intimacy with Lily.”

“That’s the problem,” he protested, “it’s not personal at all. She called me from her hotel room last night.”

“I feel sorry for you,” I replied. “I feel sorry for anyone who tries to repackage old Rodney Dangerfield jokes.”

24 November 2013

Missing the Bullseyes

For a decade or two, I’ve been planning on an art piece that involves firing bullets into painted wooden panels. I’d paint a red circle around each entry point, et voilà! Instant bullseyes!

There’s a good chance I’ll never do that project, and not just because I’m too lazy to buy paint and a paintbrush. No; it’s something else.

Here’s how Brian Peter George St. John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno described the same concept.

“Instead of shooting arrows at someone else’s target, which I’ve never been very good at, I make my own target around wherever my arrow happens to have landed. You shoot your arrow and then you paint your bullseye around it, and therefore you have hit the target dead center.”

He was talking about figurative bullseyes and I was going to make real ones, but it doesn’t matter. Since Eno’s brilliant and famous and I’m neither, many people would assume that I stole the idea from him. I’d never do that; I only plagiarize unrecognized people’s work.

25 November 2013

Eighteen Coupled Hexagonal Tiles

I was staring into space whilst in one of the Internet Archive’s classy bathrooms asking myself the usual question: what next? The hexagonal tiles provided the solution as well as the title: Eighteen Coupled Hexagonal Tiles.

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©2013 David Glenn Rinehart