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Weak XLVIII

26 November 2013

No. 864 (cartoon)

Your compassion is just an act.

It fools the critics.

27 November 2013

The Museum of Nothing

I just came up with the idea of creating The Museum of Nothing. As soon as I did, the museum was complete. Is there any pursuit easier than conceptual art? The answer has to be no, conceptually speaking.

28 November 2013

Gobble Tov!

Hanukkah began last night on Thanksgiving eve; that makes today Thanksgivukkah. Or some variation on that unusual hybrid. I celebrated the day with Vicki and a host of friends, including a beautiful Somali who brought some great wine to go with all the standard Thanksgiving dishes as well as the great cuisine that’s mandatory at a Jewish celebration.

The two holidays haven’t coincided since 1888, and won’t do so again for another seventy thousand years or so. Here’s the story behind the weasel words, “or so.”

I’m unclear about the details, but apparently the Torah dictates that the Jewish calendar should be based on both the solar and lunar cycles. That’s a problem, because the two directives don’t jibe. For millennia, Talmudic scholars have been able to reconcile the conflicting instructions, but apparently they haven’t figured out what’s going to happen in 72013.

That’s fine with me; I haven’t planned that far ahead either.

29 November 2013

Brussels Sprouts

Elias brought Brussels sprouts to tonight’s potluck dinner, and I was glad he did. I wondered aloud why Brussels sprouts are some of the most expensive vegetables offered for sale here, yet they’re about the least expensive in England.

“It’s because Old Blighty’s closer to Brussels, innit?” he suggested.

It’s hard to argue with geography, so I didn’t.

30 November 2013

Conceptual Progress

I have a database of art pieces I want to do someday. I, and most learned people, know that someday will never come, so this evening I decided to do something about it. I pared my list of one hundred and thirty-four things I’ll probably never do down to a list of one hundred and five things I’ll probably never do.

That’s over a twenty-one percent increase in efficiency by doing absolutely nothing, and that calls for a libation celebration. If I move quickly and remove the one hundred and five things I’ll probably never do from the list of art pieces I want to do someday, I shall be able to pop my clogs in peace.

Hope springs eternal!

1 December 2013

The Year in Review

I hate December. Everyone spends the month in a drunken stupor, and nothing gets done. Even the Internet sites I visit to plagiarize my material are republishing old material under the heading, “The Year in Review.”

I suppose I should just repeat thirty items I published here earlier in 2013, but even I’m not that lazy.

A pox upon people even lazier than me; that’s what I say.

2 December 2013

No Need for Fun

Sophia showed up at my place rather inebriated, then proceeded to get inebriateder.

“You don’t have to be drunk to have fun,” I suggested.

“And I don’t need to have fun to drink,” she replied.

And that was that.

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©2013 David Glenn Rinehart