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5 March 2019

No. 6,537 (cartoon)

We didn’t have sex because I was too lazy to masturbate.

We did because I was.

6 March 2019

Bad Doggy Redux

Michelle sent me an article, “for your bad dog series.” A dog bit off a four-year-old boy’s hand and apparently ate it. In fairness to the beast, the boy had a sock over his hand so perhaps the dog thought it was only biting off the kid’s foot.

I thanked her for her encouragement but told her I was done writing about bad dogs for the foreseeable future. Dogs eat humans every day, and if I reported every case of a bloodthirsty cur this purported notebook would be even more boring than it already is.

Bad doggy! The end.

7 March 2019

Aromatic Art

Andy told me he liked my visual art pieces because they smell nice. I was about to challenge him before I remembered one of the few principles that’s served me well: never argue with a critic.

8 March 2019

Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

Five years ago today Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 flew from Kuala Lumpur to ... well, no one knows. A few pieces of the huge airliner turned up yon and thither, but no one knows where the massive jet and the two hundred and thirty-nine people ended up.

That’s certainly a tragedy; there’s no other way to slice it. Having said that, though, I can’t help but marvel at the mystery of how that could happen in the twenty-first century.

9 March 2019

A Leica Nooky Hesum

I spotted a Leica Nooky Hesum for sale on the Internet. Even though I’ve been using Leicas for over forty years, I have no idea what it is. Still, it’s almost worth a hundred and forty-one dollars and fifty-nine cents to be able to say, “I have a Leica Nooky Hesum.”

I shall resist that temptation and use my Leicas as cameras, not jewelry. Using Leicas to make photographs is as unusual now as it was a century ago.

10 March 2019

Remembering Michael Jackson

A new documentary film, Leaving Neverland, documents that Michael Jackson was a pedophile. That’s why it’s called a documentary, innit?

For reasons I cannot begin to understand, people who are only now developing a keen grasp of the obvious are shocked—shocked!—that the vile, creepy junkie sexually abused young boys. That was public knowledge decades ago, why is this now news?

Despite the severity of his crimes, I still believe in judging him by his music. It’s crap.

11 March 2019

Be Nice to Cats!

Some moron jumped over a barrier in an Arizona zoo to get closer to a jaguar. The huge feline grabbed the woman with its claws to remind her that cats are very territorial. She got the message; lots of blood is hard to miss.

Officials said the encounter wouldn’t result in euthanasia. I reluctantly agree. If I was in favor of humanely putting down idiot humans for their own good, I’d likely be among them. And so, I’ll just have to be content with the knowledge that the kitty taught a fool a lesson that this fool learned long ago: be nice to cats!

12 March 2019

Andrea’s Shoelaces

Andrea’s a jolly good person; this no one can deny. On occasion, however, she does and says the most inane things that lead me to wonder who ties her shoelaces for her. That’s one of those questions a relatively nice guy like myself just can’t ask.

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©2019 David Glenn Rinehart