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Weak XXIX

17 July 2024

No. 3,022 (cartoon)

I hope you’ll love me again.

You’re hopeless.

18 July 2024

Longer Days Explained

I’ve been a tad less energetic than usual these days. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with aging, so I’m perplexed by this inexplicably puzzling development.

And then I ran across an article in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the USA that cut to the bone of the quandary: climate change is resulting in longer days. Without getting into the technical details, melting ice means more water around the equator. In practice, this means that unlike me, the planet is getting fatter and slower, resulting in the longer days that are tiring me out.

Now that I know what’s going on, I shall have a glass of wine and savor the extra time I have.

19 July 2024

William Henry Fox Talbot

Enrico impregnated Abbie, and now that’s all they ever talk about, as if they’d discovered the equation for prime numbers that’s eluded mathematicians ever since they discovered zero. (Ever wonder why there’s no Roman numeral for zero?)

Abbie, who describes herself as “a photography buff,” announced they’d name the fetus Fox.

“Very hip name, no?” seconded Enrico. “We got the idea from the photographer Fox Talbot.”

Oh dear, what to do? I was going to point out that the “Fox” was part of William Henry Fox Talbot’s double-barreled surname, but then decided I wouldn’t be the first one to rain on their breeding fantasy.

20 July 2024

Fetid Cheese

I visited Byron for lunch and had a most unusual salad: it was inedible. Although it seems unlikely, I can’t remember coming across anything I couldn’t eat before.

Byron figured out the basics of a summer salad, but then smothered it in a rancid cheese sauce. Although I can fake good manners when absolutely necessary, I had to tell him I literally couldn’t stomach his lunch. He agreed, and blamed the fiasco on his Greek friend’s recipe that called for fetid cheese.

Aha!

I gently explained to Byron that he’d made a terrible mistake, and should have used feta cheese, not fetid cheese. By then, it was too late to go shopping, so we enjoyed a traditional lunch of oversalted potato chips and cold beer.

Good times!

21 July 2024

Yellow Onions with White Flowers

I asked Cecelia about the strange, white, spherical flowers in her garden, and got quite a surprise: they were onions. Nothing exotic, just your basic yellow onions.

Who knew they had such intricate flowers? Well, now we both do.

22 July 2024

Vida and Fig Leaf

There’s almost nothing that I wouldn’t do for Vida, so when she asked me to climb up a rickety ladder and pick figs for her, I did. Of course I did. (I am indeed a nice guy, no matter what sort of scandalous sleaze you may have read about me in the tacky supermarket tabloids.)

I’m also a lazy guy who couldn’t resist a cliché, so I photographed Vida wearing nothing but a fig leaf and all of her clothes in the parking lot. That wasn’t a good idea, so it’s no surprise that it’s not a very good photograph. Oh well, it’s a decent snapshot so I figger I’m done for the day and the weak.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2024 David Glenn Rinehart