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23 July 2024

No. 9,826 (cartoon)

That sounds like a bad idea when you think about it.

Then don’t.

24 July 2024

Today’s Last Refuge

Cedric told me that Sunday was the hottest day on the planet in recorded history, and perhaps unrecorded history as well. I didn’t get a chance to reply until the following day, which was even hotter. Skin melting off barefoot tourists’ feet in the desert, people being burned alive when they fell on searing asphalt, that sort of thing.

And then there are the “thousand-year floods,” a severe weather event so rare that it would be improbable for it to happen more than once in a millennium. Well, that was then; now such deluges, along with hurricanes and typhoons, are devastating communities around the world with alarming regularity.

With one climate superlative after another, weather reports these days are much more lative than super.

Oscar Wilde wrote, “Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative,” and I’m afraid he’s right since nothing else comes to mind today.

25 July 2024

Mad Scientist Club

When I was a boy, I wanted to be a mad scientist with a secret laboratory when I grew up. You know the one, with the test tubes, flames, and bubbling concoctions. I had no idea what I’d do; I only knew that was the life for me.

I’ve barely thought about my laboratory, my fleet of model rockets, my coin collection, or any of my childhood dreams in decades, so I was surprised when I reconsidered being a mad scientist in my dreams last night. But many decades later, there was no secret laboratory involved.

I dreamt of being a mad scientist to make art, but with no beakers or Bunsen burners involved. My minor epiphany was to start thinking like a mad scientist, not an artist, in my creative pursuits. It even seemed like a good idea when I was awake after lots of coffee; we’ll see ...

26 July 2024

Utter Jabberwocky

The government isn’t The Government, it’s a beast with a hundred thousand uncoordinated tentacles. For example, I filed an application for a new passport earlier this month and was told it would arrive in six to eight weeks. In a classic example of underpromising and overdelivering, I had my new passport eight days later.

And then there are the courts. Sure, you got your hangin’ judge here and your bribed judge there, but, for the most part, the judicial system seemed generally acceptable. And then, centuries after we had a revolution to get rid of a capricious monarch, the Supreme Court coronated the president by announcing that our country’s laws didn’t apply to her or him.

And now, the Ohio state supreme court ruled that “boneless chicken” can contain bones. Some of the justices who dissented described the decision as “utter jabberwocky,” but they were in the minority. Some people may lament the demise of common sense, but I’m sure some smart restauranteurs are already planning to serve rats advertised as “steak on a skewer.”

In case you want to make some easy money in Ohio, here’s the old hobo recipe: stick some rats on a stick and boil ’em until the skin falls off and the guts drop out. Steak on a skewer! (But remember you’re in Ohio; serve with plenty of ketchup.)

27 July 2024

Not Focusing on the Buddha

Antoinette told me that she couldn’t figure out how I made the intentionally obscure photograph of the Buddha statue on the patio. I considered explaining how I used a long lens with a very wide aperture and lined up reflections between parallel windows, but rejected that answer. I can do better than the humdrum truth.

I told her that I was guided by the old saying, “Do not focus on the Buddha; allow the Buddha to focus on you.”

“Who said that?” she asked.

“I just made it up,” I admitted. “It sounded like a good Hindu thing to say.”

“Why would a Hindu say that?” she demanded.

“Don’t ask me, ask a Talmudic scholar,” I replied. “These brand name religious debates make my teeth hurt.”

I have to admit that was a foolish exchange, but I still preferred it to the tedious optical explanation.

28 July 2024

Jelly Doughnuts, Excitement, and Chaos

Twice this year I’ve noted that editors at The Washington Post came up with great headline formulae that could be infinitely repeated, Why [fill in the blank] are better off dead, and, Nearly everything Americans believe about [fill in the blank] is wrong.

The journalists at The New York Times finally came up with a useful template of their own with this headline, New N.F.L. Kickoff Rules This Season Could Bring Excitement, and Chaos. That’s another great blueprint for a headline factory, [Fill in the blank] Could Bring Excitement, and Chaos.

I am reminded of Kennedy’s quote, “The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word crisis. One brush stroke stands for danger, the other for opportunity.” I am also reminded that he was wrong, just ask any of your Chinese friends.

If you’re surprised, don’t be. Just remember he’s also famous for saying, “Ich bin ein Berliner.” Since a Berliner is a jelly doughnut, he’s known in Germany for saying, “I am a jelly doughnut.”

As I’ve always said, jelly doughnuts could bring excitement, and chaos.

29 July 2024

Labyrinth Stairs

I was visiting the specter that haunts the labyrinth on Nob Hill when I spotted the pattern of shadows on the stairs. Normally I would not have made such an easy photograph (can’t go wrong with geometric patterns!), but the title, Labyrinth Stairs, opened a different can of conceptual sardines.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2024 David Glenn Rinehart