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Weak V

30 January 2026

No. 4,724 (cartoon)

You lied to me.

You just overheard me lying to myself.

31 January 2026

Is That a Parakeet in Your Pants, Or ...

Customs and Border Protection agents thought there was something fishy about Jesse Agus Martinez when he was crossing the border from Tijuana, but it turned out to be birdy.

When the customs cops asked Martinez about the big bulge in the crotch of his pants, he explained that he had very large genitals. The agents, who probably grew up watching rock stars perform with sausages, cucumbers, and the odd rutabaga stuffed in their tight pants, didn’t buy it. A quick search revealed that Martinez was attempting to smuggle two very sickly orange-fronted parakeets into the country.

I’m about to post this story even though I haven’t heard from a government spokesperson or the perp’s lawyers, probably because I never contacted either. Martinez is looking at a felony count of importation contrary to law when the case eventually goes to trial.

I wonder if the judge will be able to keep a straight face as he hears the evidence.

1 February 2026

My First and Last Exhibition

Today is the fiftieth anniversary of the opening of my first photography exhibition. Coincidentally, it’s also the fiftieth anniversary of the opening of my most recent photography exhibition.

All of the photographs I’ve sold in my life were at my only show: one. Vincent van Gogh also sold only one piece, but the similarities don’t end there. He lost an ear, and I’m missing a finger.

I agreed to the show when I was a teenager and didn’t know any better. I soon figured out that showing my work wasn’t a creative endeavor, so I never bothered with it again. Artists create art, and if you’re not creating art, then it’s not an artistic endeavor.

And with that, I’m off to work on my current project, after a nourishing glass of wine or two.

2 February 2026

Eternal Chocolate

Melanie gave Lara a gift-wrapped—with a ribbon and a bow, even—box of Belvaux “luxury chocolates” produced in Belgium. Lara presented them to me as a gift after admitting that she doesn’t like chocolates. I don’t like care for them either, but smiled and politely accepted the present since I was raised real good to be polite.

Penelope came over for dinner, saw the box on my table, and asked if they were for her.

“Of course!” I lied.

When I asked her about the chocolates a few days later, she said she never opened the box, and gave them to her cousin Gareth instead.

I figure chocolates must be the California version of midwestern fruitcakes. Everybody perpetually regifts them, and no one even samples one of the sticky concoctions.

Nuclear reactor waste is dangerous for a hundred thousand years or so, give or take. My solution to the disposal problem is to package it in brightly-colored lead gift boxes, which will be passed along in perpetuity and never opened.

Problem solved!

3 February 2026

The Museum of Personal Failure

Failure certainly is popular these days; everyone—including me—is doing it frequently. That might be why I’m seeing yet another museum dedicated to the practice, the Museum of Personal Failure.

A year ago, I wrote about the opening of the Museum of Failure in San Francisco, which was plagued by a heated legal dispute between two different organizations that claimed to own the name. Apparently, both failed; the only reference I could find on the Internet announced a new exhibition coming ... in 2025.

Oops.

Eyvan Collins used “Museum of Personal Failure” to avoid getting involved in a litigious imbroglio. The first exhibition closes tomorrow, and my guess is that there will never be a second one. If there is, then the Museum of Personal Failure will have failed to fail. I’ve pondered whether or not that would be a failure, but have failed to come up with an answer.

4 February 2026

Idea Catcher (Prototype)

I think I may have come up with this idea in a dream, but it was so long ago that I can’t remember. The idea was to create a contraption that would catch ideas. I settled on lint harvested from the clothes dryer’s air filter. If that looks like an homage to Joseph Beuys’ work with felt, then it was an unconscious one. (Or was it?)

I used a wooden hand to demonstrate the concept in Idea Catcher (Prototype). I doubt I’ll ever make another iteration, and that’s fine: I’ve never had a shortage of ideas.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2026 David Glenn Rinehart